...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
