I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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