Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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