Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize