I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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