If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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