He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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