i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
