youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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