I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
