just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
