would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
