i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
