So drunk its hurt
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
