it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
