The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
