I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
