Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
