im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
