first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
