You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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