btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
