I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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