at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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