After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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