I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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