He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
