dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize