and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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