I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
