im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
