I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize