Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize