Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
