You're so nebulous sometimes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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