And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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