The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize