Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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