i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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