it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
