Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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