Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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