Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
