I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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