i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
