You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize