but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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