guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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