toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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