i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
