I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
