at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
