I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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