I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
