I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
