i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
