DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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