After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
