I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
