Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
