So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
