my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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