who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize