Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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