Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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